Stop Being So Hard On Yourself (Reflection Helps)

“I don’t feel valuable in society.”

“I have no direction.”

As a Life Coach, I hear these sentences almost daily. 

The thing is, we are hardwired to be hard on ourselves, as if we were not, nothing would ever be accomplished. However, there is a thin line between “hard on ourselves” and “being a better person,” so let’s discuss that, shall we?

Insanity At Its Finest

A wise man once said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same results.” This is very true, yet we do it anyway. We tend as human beings to give to others what we fail to provide ourselves with, and that needs to change.

I have found in 18 years of coaching that we are our own worst enemies, and the best way to defeat that enemy is to begin to accept that it is just that: an enemy. To change your behavior and to enhance your mindset, you need to be aware of what values you bring to the table.

Reflect On Your Accomplishments

Whenever you feel down, do yourself a favor: write down 5–10 things you love about yourself. Though it can depend on the situation, this often reminds us that we have more to offer than we think. It also allows us to realize what is important to us.

When you reflect on the “good” and not the “bad,” the somatic markers in your brain start to connect in ways you would never imagine. Yes, your way of thinking about life can modify the way your brain works, and that is why positive reinforcement is necessary.

You Don’t Need A Team To Do This

Many seek therapy, counseling, and so on to find a fix for their low self-esteem. I feel that this is something that does not require professional help. In fact, you can “fix” yourself on your own. Just begin to write daily. Write about what happened; write about what went well; write about what went wrong. Then, close the book (or document or note) and review the prior entries every week. This allows you to see a pattern.

Patterns Do Wonders

The more you write, and the more you do this exercise, the more likely you will see patterns in behavior. Do you tend to misstep the most on Mondays? Do you succeed most Fridays? This is information you need to know, because you can then isolate:

“What about Mondays causes this issue?”

You can also look for patterns in mindset. What are you thinking every 3 hours? I know, it sounds like a lot of work, but you have an iPhone, right? Pull out the handy-dandy “voice recorder” and every 3 hours, document your thoughts, your actions, and your feelings.

Then, as stated before, review this every week.

You’ll notice that perhaps Mondays are in a negative state because you are hungover from the weekend. Solution? Drink on Saturdays, not Sundays!

I know, that is a horrible example, but you get the point.

Hourly Tracking

Also, what about “9am” causes hardship or success? This is why hourly tracking is necessary. You can find out all you need regarding the patterns of your life by simply writing it down or recording it somewhere. Review weekly, and see what you notice.

Conclusion

This sounds like a lot of work, right? If you'd like to simplify the process, feel free to reach out at www.valiancecoach.com/contact/. I’m always available, and share your patterns with me.